Misconceptions and Truths about Domestic Violence
The facts about domestic violence
Misconception – Domestic violence only happens to poor women and women of color.
Truth – Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships. Persons of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.
Misconception – Some people deserve to be hit.
Truth – No one deserves to be abused. Period! The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser. Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.
Truth – Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families and relationships. Persons of any class, culture, religion, sexual orientation, marital status, age, and sex can be victims or perpetrators of domestic violence.
Misconception – Some people deserve to be hit.
Truth – No one deserves to be abused. Period! The only person responsible for the abuse is the abuser. Physical violence, even among family members, is wrong and against the law.
Misconception – Alcohol, drug abuse, stress, and mental illness cause domestic violence.
Truth – Alcohol use, drug use, and stress do not cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers often say they use these excuses for their violence. (Michigan Judicial Institute, Domestic Violence Benchbook, 1998, p. 1.6 – 1.7) Misconception – Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife. Truth – Domestic violence affects everyone. Misconception – If it were that bad, she would just leave. Truth – There are many reasons why women may not leave. Not leaving does not mean that the situation is okay or that the victims want to be abused. MANY VICTIMS DO LEAVE AND LEAD SUCCESSFUL, VIOLENCE FREE LIVES |
Misconception – Tough love is the best way to help a victim of violence.
Truth – “Pushing them to leave is the worst thing to do,” Kaminsky says.” Instead listen and be supportive.
Misconception – Men are never victims of abuse, and women never perpetrators.
Truth – “People sometimes assume that it’s just women who are battered,” Mark Schickman, a partner at Freeland Cooper & Foreman LLP, says. “The numbers are higher among women, but men experience it too.”
Misconception – It’s impossible to love someone who abuses you.
Truth – “I’ve worked with so many women who have been victims, and women feel so much shame and embarrassment over the fact that they love someone who is abusive to them,” Ray-Jones says. “They still see a glimpse of the person they fell in love with. It’s very complex and it’s very hard.”
Misconception – There’s no good reason for a victim not to call the police.
Truth – Calling the police is a lifesaver for many women. But many hesitate because they don’t want their partner to go to jail, or because they fear calling may escalate the violence, or because they don’t trust that the police won’t themselves act violently.
Misconception – Domestic violence is always physical
Truth – Intimate partner violence exists on a continuum of behaviors — it’s not just punching and slapping, and it’s rare that the first act of abuse is a violent one. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, verbal, and sexual, and often escalates.
Instead of asking why women don’t leave, we should make it easier for them to do so.
“We need to have the resources out there to make it easier for women to leave,” Kaminsky says.
Truth – “Pushing them to leave is the worst thing to do,” Kaminsky says.” Instead listen and be supportive.
Misconception – Men are never victims of abuse, and women never perpetrators.
Truth – “People sometimes assume that it’s just women who are battered,” Mark Schickman, a partner at Freeland Cooper & Foreman LLP, says. “The numbers are higher among women, but men experience it too.”
Misconception – It’s impossible to love someone who abuses you.
Truth – “I’ve worked with so many women who have been victims, and women feel so much shame and embarrassment over the fact that they love someone who is abusive to them,” Ray-Jones says. “They still see a glimpse of the person they fell in love with. It’s very complex and it’s very hard.”
Misconception – There’s no good reason for a victim not to call the police.
Truth – Calling the police is a lifesaver for many women. But many hesitate because they don’t want their partner to go to jail, or because they fear calling may escalate the violence, or because they don’t trust that the police won’t themselves act violently.
Misconception – Domestic violence is always physical
Truth – Intimate partner violence exists on a continuum of behaviors — it’s not just punching and slapping, and it’s rare that the first act of abuse is a violent one. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, verbal, and sexual, and often escalates.
Instead of asking why women don’t leave, we should make it easier for them to do so.
“We need to have the resources out there to make it easier for women to leave,” Kaminsky says.